This is as serious as it gets on this website—the OFFICIAL pineapple pizza review! Does it belong on pizza? This has been one of the greatest debates in human history. People have cried out in suffering, desperate to find the true answer! And I have finally gone to the root of this massive tree.
I searched across the multiverse. Traveled through dimensions. Went to the future. Went to the past (though I got distracted by a few cute cats along the way). All in pursuit of a pineapple pizza I could actually enjoy.
During my travels, I came across a merchant. In the vast heat of the desert sands, he whispered to me, “Hey, woman! Are you a believer?”
I replied, “I believe in many things… except pineapple on pizza.”
He let out the biggest gasp—so loud that generations before and after heard it! People on other planets cried out in disbelief. I panicked and ran back to this timeline before things got out of hand. But it made me think… Am I wrong for not liking pineapple on pizza?
Determined to find the truth, I visited exactly 45,753 pizza places. I know, that’s not a whole lot when you’re talking about different dimensions and all that. But it was all I had time for—my girlfriend, Yumi, was waiting for me at home, and I couldn’t miss her starring in a Broadway play!
Among the many different pizzas… there was one chosen pineapple that ranked far above any other. I found it under the sea. I can’t remember which timeline that was, but there was a talking sponge. It was weird.
I took my first bite. Closed my eyes and let the taste take me to the promised land. I… didn’t… vomit! In fact, it was a pretty great pineapple pizza! The sweetness was just right. The cheese melted perfectly—but not so much that it turned into liquid! The sauce was made from the freshest ingredients in the multiverse!
They say you never forget your first time, and this one is a memory for the ages! Is this how people feel when they become doctors and lawyers? Because if there’s a job where I can just eat pizza all day, sign me up! That’ll be next on my checklist!
For the first time in my life, I understood the joy pineapple pizza brings to so many people. It’s like opening your present on Christmas morning and getting something amazing instead of boring old socks!
Emotionally, I feel like a new world has opened up to me—a world of possibilities and wonder. I feel like I can do anything! Is this how Yumi has felt for so long?
Final Verdict: Does pineapple belong on pizza?
I may still not be its biggest fan, but absolutely, it does! There should always be a place for people who enjoy things we may not understand. Their choices aren’t wrong—being different and trying new things is awesome!
So eat your pineapple pizza proudly. Don’t let anyone stop you from living your best life!
Until next time, my loves!
-Dizzy
Dizzy Dimension 
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